Golf Clubs On Us

Ok, I can’t ignore it anymore. Seriously, they are talking about this more than people starving to death and not being able to afford Christmas presents because of the economy. What started off as a breaking news story about Tiger Woods going to the hospital  because of a car accident has turned into something more. Way more. Let’s start from the beginning, shall we?

November 27, 2009 2:20 am The Story Comes to Life

Tiger Woods gets into his 2009 black Cadillac Escalade after an argument with his wife, Elin. He is going less than 33 mph. He then crashes into a fire hydrant and then into a tree in his neighbor’s yard. Elin supposedly hears the crash from inside the house and rushes outside to help her husband. She has a golf club in hand and smashes the golf club into the back window of the car to help free her husband. Tiger crawls out of the car and goes in and out of conscious. He has facial injuries. Elin stays by her husband’s side not knowing if he will live or die. BULLSHIT! 

Ok I have to admit when this story came out I had a feeling something was missing from the story, but all in all I felt bad for Tiger and I felt like Elin was crazy. That whole crashing into the tree thing? I knew that alcohol wasn’t involved but something or someone else must have distracted him. We all kind of knew that Elin probably had Tiger running from the house because she threatened to kill him with the golf club. But why? Hmmm….

November 28, 2009

We find out that the injuries Tiger Woods had on his face weren’t caused by the accident, but were on his face before he crashed. At least that’s what Tiger told one of the law enforcing Florida Troopers that showed up after his crash. The National Enquirer reports that Elin is believed to have literally “beat that bitch with a bat”.

The why is clear now; no woman would get that worked up over her man unless he was sleeping with another woman. Who is the other woman? TMZ reports that it’s  Rachel Uchitel, who is the supposed woman Tiger and Elin were arguing about when the fight between the two of them started. Tiger and Rachel did meet when she was a hostess for him at a New York City club, but Rachel denies the whole sex thing. Why would you deny sleeping with Tiger Woods? Is Elin over-reacting? Hmm…..

November 29, 2009

Tiger and Elin Woods aren’t talking to anyone. They turn away reporters that come to their home. Why? It might be because Tiger is trying to wait until his scars heal and cover his tracks? Technically as far as we know, no crimes were committed and Tiger definitely wants to keep it that way.

See, this is where Tiger messed up. Once the cat is out of the bag you don’t just ignore it. I SERIOUSLY think Tiger should’ve come out with a statement. Yes it’s none of our business ( BLAH BLAH BLAH), but since it’s out in the open now you might as well set the record straight. Maybe if he had there wouldn’t be so many accusations flying around now.

November 30, 2009

Tiger isn’t talking to the police?!! WTH?! Well, he doesn’t really have to. He did have his lawyer stand outside his home and give his license, insurance, and registration forms to the police, which is required after an accident. But no more statements!

Although he DID praise his wife. He posted a statement on his website about the accident. “This situation is my fault, and it’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me,” the 14-time major golf champion said. “I’m human and I’m not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

 Tiger is still going along with the whole accident story, saying that Elin acted bravely beating him, I mean, rescuing him from the car after the accident. Tiger is taking full responsibility for the accident. Police suspect Tiger might have been under the influence when he crashed into the tree. But that’s just a rumor; and no one ever listens to those things!

December 1, 2009

Finally we start getting some real details! Elin Woods moves out of the house and into another house down the street. I applaud her. She totally breaks the stereotype about white women not kicking ass. But on the bad side the police start investigating the domestic dispute and it’s starting to look like if this thing is investigated Elin will be facing some charges. No blood was found in the car during the crash, so it’s pretty certain that Tiger sustained his injuries BEFORE the crash. Also the police try to talk to Tiger again and for the third time he says no. He is also not letting the police look at his surveillance videos which were on outside during the whole thing. the police have no choice but to close the investigation into the accident for now.

Breaking News! A woman by the name of Jaimee Grubbs is claiming to have had a 2 year affair with Tiger Woods! What?!! And she has text messages to prove it. All of this would have been thought to be a scheme until the number is checked, it IS Tiger’s number!

This story is getting too long. We’re going to have to come back with a part two!

Apparently the magic fairy dust that always seemed to follow Barry Hussein on the campaign trail has rubbed off.

I mean what else can one say about Obama’s determination to be on every single cover of every single magazine biting him right in his private parts but: Hahahahahaha.  BWAH HAH HAH HAH!!!

Let’s see.  What tips can Obama take from Tiger?  My own list, in no particular order:

10. Don’t leave your gold clubs laying around for your wife to grab as she chases you down the driveway.

9. You should probably keep your eyes on the road rather than constantly looking back at your wife chasing you down the driveway.

8. Maybe it isn’t such a good idea to give your wife golf lessons and teach her how to swing a club, after all.

7. Petite little white women might be a lot tougher than they look.

6. You should probably take some boxing lessons or something just in case your wife finds out about your adulteries.

6. Bill Clinton can tell you all about the danger of stained dresses.   I can tell you all about the danger of tainted voice mails.

5. It might be a good idea to clear the White House driveway of any obstructions – you know, things like trees and fire hydrants – that could interfere with your getaway from your wife.

4. Your chickens coming home to roost may take the form of your wife’s nails roosting right across your face.

3. $300 million dollar sex can leave you strangely unfulfilled.

2. If your wife finds out about your affairs and tells you she wants to go “clubbing,” get out of Dodge FAST.

1. You might want to quit doing to the economy what I’ve been doing to Jaimee Grubbs, Rachel Uchitel, Kalika Moquin, etc. etc.  Payback is hell on wheels.

In addition to golf pointers, Tiger could have told Obama how to earn his own money rather than taxing it from everybody else.  But in any event, they’re both pissing fortunes away at rather incredible rates.

I think the timing of this magazine cover is God’s way of telling you something, Barry.

The carefully constructed clean-cut public persona of Tiger Woods is under siege this week as further details emerge of alleged extra-marital affairs following his highly publicised car accident where his SUV collided with a fire hydrant and a tree.

Tiger Woods is widely regarded as the highest-paid professional athlete in the world, earning some $110 million from winnings and endorsements last year. His total fortune is estimated at $1 billion.

Americans, god bless ‘em, take infidelity very seriously. Apparently it’s ok to have the odd bit on the side. As long as you don’t get caught. Because if you do, look out -all hell will break loose!

Media speculation about the cause of the accident, and the events leading up to it, have been rife, with some media actually resorting to publishing fabricated CGI footage ostensibly showing what “might’ve happened”. See below (with thanks to Possum for the link).

The whole thing is erupting into frenzied speculation of a potential $300 million something divorce with revelations that Tiger had affairs with not one, not two, but possibly three other women (as at 12 noon Friday).

Reports are emerging about how his wife caught him texting his alleged mistress, sparking the violent row that led to his car crash.

Swedish swimwear model Elin Nordegren allegedly grabbed Woods’ phone and called nightclub hostess Rachel Uchitel to confront her, celebrity website TMZ reports.

According to media reports, a furious Ms Nordegren began arguing with Woods and broke the star’s phone.

She is then alleged to have chased him with a golf club, smashing up the foyer of the couple’s Florida mansion, according to reports.

It is rumoured Ms Uchitel and her representatives were in discussions with Woods and his management as recently as yesterday about a possible “cash-for-silence” deal.

Ms Uchitel, who has hired celebrity lawyer Gloria Allred to represent her, yesterday cancelled a press conference where she was expected to make a statement about her relationship with Woods.

Woods now faces one of the biggest celebrity divorce payouts in history. Us Weekly said sources put the prenuptial agreement signed in 2004 by Woods and Ms Nordegren – who met Woods while she working as a nanny for Swedish golfer Jesper Parnevik – at $US300 million

Following the allegations that Woods had affairs with Ms Uchitel and LA cocktail waitress Jaimee Grubbs, a third woman has been linked to the star.

The fallout from the controversy is is spreading, with John Ziegler, the pastor of the “First Church of Tiger Woods” – www.tigerwoodsisgod.com – announcing that he will dissolve the organisation because of the golfer’s “personal sins.”

The church, whose home page has now been rechristened “The Damnation of Tiger Woods,”was launched by radio host Ziegler in 1996 to “celebrate the emergence of the “true messiah’.”

Extraordinary stuff.

But seriously, is this really anybody’s business? He hasn’t done anything illegal.

This hilarious Sims-style reenactment of the Tiger Woods car crash was part of a Taiwanese news report.

A Taiwanese newspaper website has posted a video report featuring a computer-generated interpretation of the events surrounding Tiger Woods’ late night car crash. The video piece, on Taiwan’s Apple Daily website, uses CGI footage to “re-enact” a rumoured incident between Woods and his wife Elin Nordegren over infidelity allegations.

Real-life scenes showing police interviews, the hospital where Woods was treated and the golf star’s family were interspersed with the CGI images. In one of the CGI scenes, a cartoon-like Nordegren is seen scratching the golfing legend’s face while a thought bubble hovers over her head with Woods’ supposed mistress Rachel Uchitel pictured inside.

In another, Tiger drives off while being chased by his wife who is swinging a golf club at the car. According to the CGI interpretation, Woods crashed his car into the fire hydrant and tree after he failed to pay attention to where he was driving.

Lately there have been a stream of posts in blogs and on news sites about Tiger Woods having a motorvehicle accident outside his home and having an affair of some kind with a woman named Rachel Uchitel. I’ll be honest while I’ve seen many of these posts the only ones I’ve actually read were in regards to the motorbehicle accident.

According to the many reports, he was leaving his home in his 2009 Cadillac sport utility vehicle when he just spontaneously ran over a fire hydrant and hit a tree for reasons unknown. The low impact crash knocked him unconcious somehow, supposedly because the air bags didn’t deploy (which, if it was a low impact crash, isn’t surprising).

Reports then indicate that his wife “heard” the crash, ran out with a golf club, smashed in a rear window, and then pulled him back out of the vehicle somehow to lay in the street bleeding until emergency personel arrived. He had both lacerations and bruising to his face along with blood in his mouth.

Now, I don’t know how many of you have seen Tiger Woods’ wife lately, Elin Nordegren, but she doesn’t look the type of gal who can drag a 185 lb. man backwards out of a vehicle through glass.

Yeah… it sounds kind of odd. He just randomly drives over a hydrant and into a tree, and she just comes running out with a gold club?

I believe that what really probably happened after examing the incident was that the couple had an arguement, Woods’ was trying to get away from his wife when she came running out after him in the vehicle with a golf club. She smashed the rear window and he crashed in his attempts to evade her. He probably recieved some of his facial injuries like the lacerations before the crash and then some as it happened, but his wife probably gave him a good one upside the head as he got out, giving him the bloody mouth, bruising and knocking him out.

I just can’t figure that he got most of his injuries from the crash. In a 2009 Cadillac sport utility vehicle they have some pretty descent safety features. If the impact was so low that the airbags didn’t deploy, I find it hard to believe that it would have knocked him out.

He hasn’t commented much I believe on the incident, only stating that it was a “private” matter. And if I were him, getting the sh*t kicked out of me by my wife with one of my own golf clubs would make me not talk either. And if you have to ask me why they were fighting, my guess would be his supposed mistress. Or maybe he’s just a jackass and she’d had enough of him.

Most of this is just speculation on my part, but if I’m interpreting the evidence correctly (the odd driving, the wife running out with a golf club and the details of the accident), I think I’m probably right.

Nov 28th 2009 8:35PM by TMZ Staff
Tiger Woods did not suffer facial lacerations from a car accident. They were inflicted by his wife, Elin Nordegren — according to a conversation Woods had Friday after the accident.
Tiger has yet to be formally interviewed by the Florida Highway Patrol — that should happen this afternoon. But we’re told Tiger had a conversation Friday — with a non-law enforcement type — detailing what went down before his Escalade hit a fire hydrant.

We’re told he said his wife had confronted him about reports that he was seeing another woman. The argument got heated and, according to our source, she scratched his face up. We’re told it was then Woods beat a hasty retreat for his SUV — but according to our source, Woods says his wife followed behind with a golf club. As Tiger drove away, she struck the vehicle several times with the club.

We’re told Woods became “distracted,” thought the vehicle was stopped, and looked to see what had happened. At that point the SUV hit the fire hydrant and then hit a tree.

We’re also told Woods had said during the conversation Friday he had been taking prescription pain medication for an injury, which could explain why he seemed somewhat out of it at the scene.

Tiger Wood’s Wife Whooped Him With A Golf Club For Cheating??

is this what caused the fight???

Rachel Uchitel lawyers up

Wow not only does it seem Tiger got caught… and it also seems he tried to do the right thing by leaving a bad situation… but to crash and have it ALL over the news… Sucks to be him huh???

Howard Stern, Artie Lange & Robin Quivers discuss the Tiger Woods incident. Is Tiger Woods cheating with Rachel Uchitel? Did his wife beat him with a golf club? Get your Stern updates on the Facebook page http://facebook.com/markbudala or get them at http://markbudala.blogspot.com! November 30, 2009 on the Howard Stern Show!

Howard Stern, Artie Lange & Robin Quivers listen and comment on the 911 tape. Is Tiger Woods cheating with Rachel Uchitel? Did his wife beat him with a golf club? Get your Stern updates on the Facebook page http://facebook.com/markbudala or get them at http://markbudala.blogspot.com! November 30, 2009 on the Howard Stern Show!